The Funniest Gambling Jokes and Puns

By Jerry Smith Staff Writer Updated: 11/18/2022

Jerry Smith Staff Writer See Full Bio

Jerry’s greatest advantage is his extensive experience on the casino floor. His time as a casino manager taught him everything about what makes a player tick. Besides being a skilled poker player, he has deep knowledge of all live table games and gambling regulations in the US.

Twitter X

The Funniest Gambling Jokes

If you’re on this website, then you are most definitely into gambling. No matter what your favorite game is or whether you play it in person or online, all players share a special bond and struggles, and we understand and relate to each other in a way that other people can’t. The best way to show our connections is by telling each other the funniest gambling jokes, which happens to be the topic of today’s article.

Which are the Best Casino Jokes

We bet (get it, we’re already making gambling puns) that you are a member of at least one Facebook group or subreddit for casino gaming and we know for a fact that these online spaces are filled with gambling jokes one-liners, because what else to do besides gambling and joking about it, huh?

So, today we decided to compile our favorite gambling puns and jokes and perhaps give you some repertoire for when you talk to other gambling friends. We go to serious real money casinos, but we’re anything but serious around our friends. Enjoy this whimsical article!

• 🤪 Random Gambling Jokes
• 🃏 Playing Card Jokes
• 😎 Gambling Joke One Liners
• 😂 Gambling Puns
• 🥇 Popularity of Different Casino Jokes

Random Gambling Jokes

In this section of the article, we will give you the best casino jokes out there and let you be the judge. There are some classics, as well as some new gems that we hope you’ll appreciate. Without further ado, here they are:

Two gamblers leave the casino, one of them naked, the other one only wearing his boxer briefs. The naked says:

• And that’s why I respect you.
• Why exactly?
• You know when to stop.

Judge to carpenter:

• You were arrested during a drugs bust in a gambling den. What were you doing there?
• Making a bolt for the door, your honor.

Ladies and gentlemen, we welcome you to our casino – “Sea Breeze” – located right on the beach. After a couple of games, you can go straight to the nudist beach.

Government: Gambling is addictive, morally wrong, and predatory, so we are outlawing it. In unrelated news the lottery jackpot is $125 Million Dollars! Can’t win if you don’t play!

I put a bet on a horse because I was told it had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.

A husband and a wife are playing at the casino. The husband asks:

• How did you lose $100 on slots??
• You just lost $10,000 at the tables!
• Yes, but I know how to gamble.

What’s the difference between a land-based and an online casino? At online casinos, you can at least cry without others having make fun of you.

A banker died. They read his will after the funeral: “Dear friends and family, you might be surprised to learn that I spent 90% of my income on gambling, women, and alcohol. The remaining 10% I spent on some really unreasonable things.”

Playing Card Jokes

The most popular gambling jokes appear to be playing card jokes, with poker making up most of them, so we thought it was only appropriate that we dedicate a whole section to it. You might be a devout slot player, but finding slot machine jokes is harder than hitting the jackpot with one spin of the reels. Anyway, here are the funniest playing card jokes we could find:

A husband comes back from the casino. His wife asks:

• Where have you been this whole time?
• Sorry, but I lost you at a poker game. You’ll have to leave now.
• How did you manage to do that, you fool?
• It wasn’t easy, I had to fold a royal flush.

What did the masochist say to the blackjack dealer? Hit me.

Four people are playing a game of poker at one of their homes. The wife of the host asks them:

• When are you all leaving my house?

To which her husband replies:

• Honey, this isn’t our house anymore.

• This is preposterous! Looking for your soulmate online… kids these days. – said the father to his son.
• How did you find mom?
• Naturally, I won her on a game of poker.

A couple of friends are playing poker. One of them says to the other:

• I hate cheaters! How is it possible you have cards that I didn’t give to you??

What’s the difference between a man praying in a church and a man praying at a blackjack table? The man at the blackjack table means it.

Four men are playing poker. The son of the host comes and asks his father:

• Daddy, is it good to have four aces?
• It’s good, son. – the father said through his teeth.
• The rest of the players passed and the host took all the chips.
• Too bad you didn’t have the aces, daddy.

A man went to a casino and read a sign that said “If you have problems with gambling, please call 555-978-456”. The man thought about it for a second and called the number:

• Hello, how can we help you?
• I have a six and an ace, the dealer has a seven. What should I do?

What would Batman do if he didn’t do well in poker? Call the Joker.

What company never loses at blackjack, you ask? Forever 21.

Gambling Joke One-Liners

We personally love a good one-liner, and what’s better than gambling joke one-liners? They are also easier to remember than regular jokes, so you won’t embarrass yourself by giving your audience the right set up. Here are our favorite gambling-related one-liners:

I finally have quit gambling… I do crypto now.

Your best chance to get a straight flush in a casino is in the bathroom.

Gambling has really helped me get back on my feet because I lost my car in poker last night.

Studies show that one out of every six friends has a gambling addiction. My money is on Peter.

How do you become a millionaire through gambling? Start as a billionaire.

Russian roulette: 5 out of 6 people recommend.

People say gambling ruins lives, but it brought our family closer. We now live in a one-bedroom unit.

My wife is mad at me because I lost $7,000 in gambling. Seriously, honey! It’s not even YOUR money… Anymore.

My favorite gambling event is horse racing, but I’m bad at it. No matter how hard I try, the horses are just way faster.

I was walking down the street the other day when I tripped over a sign to the local sportsbook. What are the odds on that?

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Why don’t vampires like gambling? They get nervous when the stakes are raised.

I don’t know who’s spreading the lies that I’m a gambler, but my money’s on John.

I used to have a horrible gambling addiction, but I wager I’ll never gamble again.

My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d do anything to win her back.

Gambling in 2020: Is it common cold or corona virus?

Gambling Puns

We know that gambling puns are not for everyone, and some might consider it childish humor, but children aren’t even allowed to gamble, so what are you talking about? Gambling puns are most usually one-liners, but we specifically divided them from that category, so you can get the punniest of puns here. Enjoy:

Why didn’t the giraffe like to play cards in the savannah? Because there were too many cheetahs.

What did the gambling addicts name their daughter? Betty.

Why is the Dalai Lama suffering from a gambling addiction? Because he loves Tibet.

What do you call a cow gambling for his life? High steaks.

What does a gambling addict call heaven? Pair-a-dice.

What did the American say when he won 2000 pounds at a table in Britain? “That’s a ton of money”.

I did well at strip poker the other night. I played my socks off.

What’s the best way to lose some pounds? Having a gambling problem in the UK.

I was asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.

I used to love eating chips until I got barred from the casino.

Gambling is really like eating pistachios. If you get a good pistachio, you want another good one. If you get a bad one, you want a good one even more. And that is gambling for you, in a nutshell.

My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but then I realized she just wanted to do laundry. So I folded.

Popularity of Different Gambling Jokes

You might already notice trends in gambling humor, but we decided to still show you which gambling jokes rank the highest among those posted online. Here they are:

First place takes the gambling addiction jokes. You already read some of the best ones out there, and we hope you liked them, but at the same time, gambling addiction is a serious problem, so if you’re afraid you might suffer from it, please reach out to Gamblers Anonymous or another local organization you might have.

Poker and blackjack jokes are the most popular ones that mention a specific game, with poker taking the lead. We honestly wished there were more jokes concerning roulette and slots for example. Finally, the fourth place takes the pun jokes, which are usually one-liners with a funny pun.